I've realised this morning that it's far more awful not being able to run when you want to, than really not wanting to but dragging yourself out anyway.
It's now just four weeks until London and instead of setting my alarm for 7am to go through my beans and toast routine before heading out for a long run, I'm sat in "runner's corner" (the part of Southbank Bar which is taken over by Lycra and fluorescent t-shirts every Wednesday evening and Sunday morning) having just waved off everyone else on what feels like the first sunny Sunday morning in bloody months.
I've somewhat begrudgingly ran in rain, snow and wind during this marathon training and when we finally get a nice Sunday I'm hobbling around on a dodgy ankle feeling jealous, annoyed and pretty deflated.
I don't know exactly what wrong with it, but since I ran on Thursday I've been in loads of pain. I don't know whether it's the pain that's bothering me the most of the accompanying panic that I needed a really good run today to put me in good stead for the 18 mile trek I've signed up to next Friday from Mansfield to Nottingham.
I've always been a worrier, so to give me some actual ammunition and a cause for worry and it's a bloody awful combination, especially four weeks before race day when I need my head to be in the right space. I'm going to have to pull out something special in the next few weeks to give me a very much needed confidence boost.
Right now, I'm trying to think about the next few days rather than the big looming day that is 22nd April, but it's just about impossible. Weeks ago I came to terms with the fact that it's going to be by far the hardest and probably the most painful thing I've ever done... now it all feels like it will be twice as hard and twice as painful and I need to be ready for it in just four short weeks.
Wish me look... I bloody well need it!
And if you could spare absolutely anything and sponsor me, I'd be hugely hugely grateful!
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